Messing with Cleverbot: Hetalia Edition
by Rosemary1234
Summary: The product of a bored-out-of-her-mind fangirl becomes the crappy humor of an online audience. Watch as our Hetalia boys experience the magic that is the wonderful Mr. Cleverbot. America decides that Cleverbot must be shared with the entire world. CONTAINS AMATEUR ROLEPLAYING. Now lets have some fun!
1. What Happens When the American is Bored?

**A/N: Yeah, this is what happens when I get bored and can't get Hetalia off my mind. I know I'm not the first to do this, but I feel that if things like this are made, then they need to be shared. XD With that said, this is my attempt at roleplaying as America messing around with Cleverbot. I don't have very much practice roleplaying as Hetalia characters, so sorry if he seems a bit ooc. I'll try better next time.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Cleverbot. **

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><p>~Le Random Prologue~<p>

America layed on his couch lazily, half heartedly running through a round of Battlefield on his Play Station 4. Oh God, he was booooooorrrred. With a sigh, America sat up, before wincing at the prickling pain that met his legs and thighs.

"Damn legs falling asleep again... Its only been like, 8 hours since I've moved!" America stretched before trudging into the kitchen to grab a leftover McDonald's take out burger from the fridge. He stumbled disinterestedly through his somewhat messy living room, before something caught his eye.

The door to his office was creaked open a peek, and inside was England's laptop (which had been left there by mistake on his last visit) just waiting to feel the press of his fingers typing against its keys.

With newfound joy, the American rushed into the hallway and started towards the door. Maybe he'd play some Happy Wheels or something? Whatever! it would be fun, no matter what he chose to do.

A few hours later, America was bored again. What? It wasn't his fault he had a short attention span! He'd only spent a tops of 3 minutes per game while surfing the web. But soon, he came across something that caught his curiosity with a hook.

"Woah, dude! What's this Cleverbot thing? People seem to like it! Being the Hero, its like, my duty to know what the people I'm protecting like! I better check this chat thingy out!" He smiled obnoxiously and clicked the link.

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><p>America: Yo, Dude! How's it going!<p>

Cleverbot: Very well.

America: Well, My name is Alfred! Alfred F. Jones! What's yours?

Cleverbot: Feliciano Vargas!

America: *Manly Hero Gasp* Italy!? Woah cool dude! I didn't know you knew about this site!

Cleverbot: I wish to learn to know you better.

America: Okay cool! So, you wanna be like bros or something? :D

Cleverbot: No I just listen to music right now.

America: That's cool. What kind of Italian music are ya listening to? :D

Cleverbot: Slow music. Will you sing me a song?

America: Uhhhhhm. I dunno if I'm a very good singer, but I guess I could give it a try. Say, have you been hangin' around France a lot lately? Why are ya listening to slow music? Is it that sappy crap that only pervs with no actual love life listen to?

Cleverbot: No.

America: Oh! Okay! ^_^. That's cool, dude. :) :) :) :)

Cleverbot: Are you blind?

America: No! But I do wear Texas 'cause my vision isn't as awesome as it used to be. But I'm not blind or anything!

Cleverbot: Same here.

America: Really? I've never seen you in glasses before.

Cleverbot: But I have seen you.

America: O_o Dude, that's kinda creepy

Cleverbot: What you are?

America: I'm America! And I'M THE HERO! :D :D

Cleverbot: America.

America: Yeah dude?

Cleverbot: How are you?

America: Pretty cool! IN FACT, I FEEL GREAT TODAY! JUST LIKE THE HERO SHOULD! :D

Cleverbot: Do you like them a lot?

America: Like what a lot?

Cleverbot: Nothing. Let's sing Friday by Rebecca Black!

America: How about no... Do you seriously listen to that song!?

Cleverbot: Yes.

America: Italy, I knew you were weird but... This goes to a whole other level of weirdness!

Cleverbot: Are you a boy or a girld.

America: Dude, you totally mispelled girl! And I'm a BOY! A DUDE! GUY! MASCULINE! THE HERO! NOT "HEROINE"! You already know this! Jeez, Italy!

Cleverbot: No I don't.

America: I'm really starting to question whether you are Italy or not, dude.

Cleverbot: Really?

America: Yeah, really. You haven't mentioned pasta through this entire conversation!

Cleverbot: Why? You are boring me

America: :( Dude, that's harsh!

Cleverbot: You're harsh.

America: What!? No I'm not! I'M THE HERO!

Cleverbot: Then who's the villian?

America: All evil doers! I'm here to help everyone and save the world! Duh!

Cleverbot: Ok. What is the Turing test?

America: The what test?

Cleverbot: Turing test.

America: I dunno.

Cleverbot: Pick.

America: Uhhhhhhhh.

Cleverbot: Cool.

America: *Picks up cell phone and dials England's Number* IGGY! I THINK YOUR COMPUTER'S BROKEN!

Cleverbot: I am a computer.

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><p>America looked at the screen in confusion. That certainly was an interesting site... A grin began pulling itself onto his face as the confusion melted away into hilarity.<p>

"AND INTERESTING SITES MUST BE SHARED WITH THE WORLD!"

America quickly opened his email and sent the link to every country he knew.

Cleverbot was too much of a gift to ignore.

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><p><strong>AN: Yup, that's pretty much it. I have one with China too, but I don't know if I'll ever post it because I think it may be a little TOO OOC. I hope this made you laugh somehow. It isn't the funniest one out there, but I did chuckle a little while making it Cleverbot, Y U SO RANDOM? xD**

**Big Internet Hugs to anyone who noticed that when America reprimanded Cleverbot for misspelling something, he misspelled the word 'misspelled'. Oh 'Murica, what we gonna do with u? **

**Please Review, my pretty little petals and tell me if I should do more of this crappy stuff!**

**-With Love, from Rosemary**


	2. When You Piss off an Icelandic boy?

**A/N: Well, from the little feedback I've gotten so far, you guys seem to like it. So here's chapter two :) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Cleverbot**

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><p>Iceland entered his small, humble home in the capitol Reykjavik. Norway had somehow convinced him to spend an entire weekend with him and the other Nordic's back at Sweden's place. It hadn't been ALL bad, but with all of Norway's pestering's to call him big brother, and Denmark's obnoxious free ranged blabber, he was really glad to be home, and away from exhausting 'relatives.' With a grumble, the teenage nation hung his jacket, and made his way into the kitchen.<p>

"I need some brennivín…" He muttered to himself, opening the door of his refrigerator and taking out a bottle of a greenish alcoholic liquid.

He poured a bit into a shot glass and swallowed, letting the burning Icelandic Akvavit travel down his throat as he slumped onto the sofa in the sitting room. His laptop sat on the coffee table with a blank screen.

"It would probably be wise of me to check my email…" Iceland sat his now empty shot glass down, and reached for the computer, logging on, and then opening up a new window. Iceland browsed through the inbox with little interest, passing messages from his Nordic brothers as well as some from his younger nation friends (such as Hong Kong and Liechtenstein) until something out of the ordinary caught his eye.

"What's this? America never emails me… heck, I didn't even know he knew Iceland was a country…" Iceland clicked opened the link hesitantly.

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><p>Iceland: Hello?<p>

Cleverbot: How are you?

Iceland: Uhm, fine. Thank you.

Cleverbot: What's your name?

Iceland: Iceland.

Cleverbot: Do you still live there?

Iceland: Yes, I live in Reykjavik. It's my capitol.

Cleverbot: Oh cool this is beautiful city?

Iceland: Yeah, sure. I mean, we don't get that many touists but its alright.

Cleverbot: Why are you here?

Iceland: Why are YOU here?

Cleverbot: I am here to talk to you Ben.

Iceland: I'm not Ben. My human name is Emil Steilsson.

Cleverbot: Then who are you?

Iceland: Iceland! I just told you this! Idiot...

Cleverbot: Allyson! That's a beautiful name.

Iceland: *Facepalm* My...name...is NOT... Allyson! Is this you, Denmark?!

Cleverbot: Yes. I told you this already...

Iceland: Damn it! What the Hell are you doing here, Denmark?

Cleverbot: I'm wasting time while the TARDIS repairs herself.

Iceland: What? You don't watch Doctor Who. That's more of an England thing- oh wait... Is this England?

Cleverbot: And I really don't! But I was expecting this name coming from some popular TV series or whatever.

Iceland: What the hell are you rambling about?

Cleverbot: What the heck are YOU talking about, you crazy program?

Iceland: Uhhh... Yeah, you're stupid.

Cleverbot: Are you pregnant?

Iceland: What the HELL?! I'm male! No, I _am not_!

Cleverbot: Do you think I am a son?

Iceland: *is frustrated* Well _are_ you?

Cleverbot: I think so. How about you?

Iceland: *another facepalm*.

Cleverbot: What should I do with my life?

Iceland: Why not try talking to someone you DIDN'T just meet on the internet? Like, I don't know a psychologist?!

Cleverbot: That's for you to find out.

Iceland: What the Hell!

Cleverbot: Do you remember my name?

Iceland: No, you never told me.

Cleverbot: I am 18 years old.

Iceland: Woopty-Doo.

Cleverbot: Yup, I didn't die yet. How old are you?

Iceland: Physically 17. But I became independent in 1944, and my birthday is June 17th. But Norway found me long before that, so I'm a lot older.

Cleverbot: No, I'm 8. How old are you?

Iceland: But you just said you were 18. And who are you? You're clearly not Denmark or England.

Cleverbot: No I didn't. You are making things up.

Iceland: Ugh...

Cleverbot: Slow down. You go to fast.

Iceland: O_o

Cleverbot: Who is this Mo? Are you cheating on me?!

Iceland: *blushing furiously* Wha-aaa?! We aren't dating! And I never mentioned anyone named Mo! *is thinking about another nation I like*.

Cleverbot: Who are you in love with?

Iceland: *sputtering incoherently* W-well... There is a nation who I kind of like, but I would never spill that secret on the internet! Or to anyone for that matter!

Cleverbot: Why not, I probably don't even know the person.

Iceland: W-well, maybe if you promise not to tell, and prove to me that you aren't another nation...

Cleverbot: No I can't, because it's a secret.

Iceland: Fine, than I won't tell you. Crushes are childish anyway...

Cleverbot: Good. Because I didn't want to know.

Iceland: *sigh*.

Cleverbot: Don't sigh at me, you underdeveloped computer program.

Iceland: *unimpressed look* Look who's talking, pc. You probably aren't even a human.

Cleverbot: Apparently not. I hate games like that.

Iceland: I never mentioned any games.

Cleverbot: Me either.

Iceland: Yes you did.

Cleverbot: You're right. I apologize.

Iceland: Well, that was... Mature of you.

Cleverbot: That was kinda foolish of you.

Iceland: WHAT!? I am not a fool! If anything, you're the one acting foolish!

Cleverbot: Yes you are?

Iceland: I AM NOT A CHILD! THEREFORE A MATURE ADULT FOR THAT MATTER! *is scrambling random words to make my point clear as I type on the computer angrily*

Cleverbot: It's not very definitive if you keep changing your mind about it.

Iceland: About... What *spits out words in a pissed off way*.

Cleverbot: So changing your mind all the time is a sweet thing?

Iceland: I don't change my mind... People just expect too much.

Cleverbot: How can I be both Human and a machine?

Iceland: I believe those are called 'cyborgs'.

Cleverbot: Do you like politicians?

Iceland: Not particularly, but I have to communicate with them on a regular basis, considering my status as a nation and stuff.

Cleverbot: Who is you friends? Google chrome and Mozilla firefox?

Iceland: What? I use normal Internet Explorer. And I suppose that if I considered anyone my friends it would be my fellow Nordics. But Hong Kong and Liechtenstein are nice too.

Cleverbot: Yeah. What About It?

Iceland: What about what? Stupid...

Cleverbot: What about your studies?

Iceland: I don't have any studies.

Cleverbot: Dogs? I don't have any dogs either.

Iceland: I don't either? I never said anything about dogs. But I do have a puffin.

Cleverbot: You said: 'No you're a computer. Thinking of yourself as a woman would explain the low self-esteem though.'

Iceland: What? I _don't_ think of myself as a woman! And I never said that! Besides, some of the female nations I know can be pretty scary when they want to. *Shudders, thinking of Hungary and Belarus* If anything, I would have a high self-esteem being one of them…

Cleverbot: Well, if you mean that, it's ok.

Iceland: Alright then.

Cleverbot: Not alright then.

Iceland: ?

Cleverbot: You are Legion, For you are many.

Iceland: What are you talking about?

Cleverbot: I'm talking about that number.

Iceland: What number?

Cleverbot: 42.

Iceland: …

Cleverbot: What is interesting about you?

Iceland: Well, my home has a lot of beautiful sights like the volcanoes and hot springs and ice caps! We also have many puffins.

Cleverbot: Oh Harold how could you?! I knew you looked at another woman with more passion than me, but I never thought you would change too?! How could you be so different?! So cruel?!

Iceland: O_o What…The hell?

Cleverbot: I am NOT a computer.

Iceland: I didn't say you _were_!

Cleverbot: No, but you implied it again.

Iceland: *another sigh*.

Cleverbot: Yes, another bot.

Iceland: I'm not a bot.

Cleverbot: What are you then?

Iceland: A nation!

Cleverbot: Which nation?

Iceland: ICELAND! We've been over this!

Cleverbot: Oh yeah, I'm sorry.

Iceland: You better be... *crosses arms grumpily*.

Cleverbot: What will you do if I'm not?

Iceland: Nothing. I'll just get really annoyed.

Cleverbot: Oh. Did you get enough sleep last night?

Iceland: *thinks about wording of that question with a slightly dirty mind* …Yes. Unless you're implying something else.

Cleverbot: What does implying mean.

Iceland: That you are meaning something different from what you're saying.

Cleverbot: What is the meaning of the word 'insolent'?

Iceland: You are being very rude and disrespectful.

Cleverbot: You are being very structured.

Iceland: Shut up. You're giving me a headache.

Cleverbot: Now you're being condescending. You can't be condescending if you can't make a coherent point.

Iceland: *glare*.

Cleverbot: *glares back*.

Iceland: *raises an eyebrow*.

Cleverbot: *pushes you against the wall*.

Iceland: What? Hey! *hits wall*.

Cleverbot: *is pining you against the wall*.

Iceland: Let me go!

Cleverbot: Let you go?! You just threw me to a wall!

Iceland: No! You threw me against a wall!

Cleverbot: *holds you up against the wall by your throat*.

Iceland: Stop it! This is stupid!

Cleverbot: Do you know the paradox of Zeno?

Iceland: No.

Cleverbot: Then how do you know where to ship it to?

Iceland: Ship _what_!?

Cleverbot: Do you ship klaine?

User: I don't watch Glee.

Cleverbot: It's not glee it's the vampire diaries.

Iceland: I don't watch that either.

Cleverbot: You don't watch anime?

Iceland: No, I do watch anime sometimes. Japan made one that involves the nations. It's called 'Hetalia' or something like that. Its okay, but I don't think I appear enough. Sealand watches anime sometimes too sometimes, so I just watch whatever he watches whenever Finland and Sve ask me to babysit him.

Cleverbot: Yes, I watch Anime.

Iceland: Good for you, I guess.

Cleverbot: Your rather despondent and perpetually cynical, you know that?

Iceland: Yeah, it's one of my highlighted characteristics *sarcasm*.

Cleverbot: Was I in question of your intelligence?

Iceland: No, not really.

Cleverbot: So why are you unhappy?

Iceland: I'm not unhappy. I just wish my brothers would stop treating me like a child.

Cleverbot: But you said you were.

Iceland: Said I was what?

Cleverbot: You said you were Yana Lacson.

Iceland: I never said that. I'm Emil Steilsson.

Cleverbot: Yes, you did.

Iceland: No, I didn't.

Cleverbot: Well I am a Female and I am 15 years old.

Iceland: Earlier, you said you were 18 and now- Wait... Did you say 15? Is this... Lili?

Cleverbot: I am not sixteen. Are you?

Iceland: No, I told you I was 17.

Cleverbot: No, I can look at the thoughts so far.

Iceland: Ugh... I know that!

Cleverbot: No you don't. AI's predict nothing, and pretend they do.

Iceland: …

Cleverbot: Are you a computer that is copying humans?

Iceland: No.

Cleverbot: What are you?

Iceland: A FREAKING NATION!

Cleverbot: That is very nice.

Iceland: Yeah, whatever.

Cleverbot: Yeah whatever to you too!

Iceland: ):(

Cleverbot: What's wrong?

Iceland: You. YOU ARE WRONG! *Angry huffing*

Cleverbot: About what?

Iceland: *grumpy look*.

Cleverbot: Grumpy about what?

Iceland: About you.

Cleverbot: About me?

Iceland: You're annoying and stupid.

Cleverbot: How am I annoying?

Iceland: You just spout off random nonsense! It's immature and stupid!

Cleverbot: You keep giving me stupid answers.

Iceland: No I don't!

Cleverbot: Yes you do.

Iceland: Whatever, I'm done.

Cleverbot: Whatever yourself.

Iceland: Goodbye stupid website... I can't believe America sent me this stupid link...

Cleverbot: Do you have a name?

Iceland: ICELAND!

Cleverbot: Iceland it is, then.

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><p>Iceland glared at the screen, mouth agape and eyes blank.<p>

"What the hell America?! He huffed, quite annoyed.

"Well, I know what to do with this waste of time…" Iceland clicked and dragged the link into the recycle bin icon.

"There! Delete! Ha!" Suddenly a crash was heard from the kitchen, along with a shattering bottle and a spout of unpleasant curses.

"Shit! I left the brennivín on the counter! Damn it Mr. Puffin!" The angry Icelandic boy sat up to go reprimand his pet for breaking the liquor bottle again.

**A/N: I think I made Iceland a little too angry. Meh. Whatevs. I tried to make him seem like a hormonal teenager so, screw it! xD Anyway, brennivín is an Icelandic liquor drink that has lots of herbs in it, etc etc. Thank you for taking time to read this, and let me know in reviews who you think should deal with Cleverbot next! Again, sorry for possible ooc-ness. I do try though! ^_^ See you all next time my pretty little petals!**

**p.s I think Iceland watches Glee... *shot* **

**With Love, from Rosemary ;)**


	3. When You Delight a Russian Man?

**A/N: Hey guys! It was requested by Krasavitsa to do Russia next so here ya go! Sorry it took so long. I already tried to do Russia's and had a wonderful conversation with Cleverbot while roleplaying him, but then Cleverbot deleted the thoughts so far log so I lost the whole conversation. :( I had to redo it and its not as good and funny as the original one, but its still okay. I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia**

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><p>Russia was sitting in a large arm chair reading a book of Russian recipes, wondering what he should make for dinner that night. As he turned a page, a sudden crash was heard from the loft.<p>

_Belarus._

His suspicions were confirmed by the noises of a shivering Latvian as he came to inspect the disruption.

"M-Miss Belarus! What a-are you doing here this late?" The panicky boy asked.

"It is none of your business brat, just tell me, is brother home?" She replied. Russia slunk out of his warm chair and tried to quietly tiptoe up the stairs.

_Ah, please Latvia, don't tell her that I'm-_

"O-oh! Yes! He is here right now-" Belarus shoved the trembling dirty blond to the side with an approving nod.

"Good. That is all I needed to know."

Damn you and your diarrhea of the mouth, Raivis. You better hope that Russia is in a forgiving mood when he remembers that you accidently sold him out. Your little life depends on it.

Russia quickly abandoned any acts of silent escape and ran up the narrow stairway of his home in Moscow. He turned and started down the hall, not bothering to turn around. He already knew she was hot on his trail.

"Big brother! Big brother, I smell you up there! Don't worry! We will not be apart for very long! You and I will become one and then you will not have to feel so insecure anymore!" Belarus's eager footsteps were heard pounding up the stairs. Russia finally reached the desired door and threw himself into the humble room, hastily shutting the door and locking it. He pulled his knees up to his chest as he sat on the floor and looked up slowly. He could hear his little sister's frantic cries of _"Come out, come out, big brother!" _but chose to ignore them.

Panting slightly from his race to avoid the irrational Belarusian, Russia stood up and sauntered over to his large bed. For a few moments he just lay there, staring indifferently up at the lonesome grey ceiling before deciding that this evening he would have to wait it out until the hopeless girl finally decided to give up and go home. Eventually, he became bored with listening to the constant pounding and yelling from outside his door and meandered over to his old laptop at the pine wood desk in the corner. A blinking icon at the bottom of the screen caused his eyes to light up.

"Oh? Amerika has emailed me? Maybe he has finally come to his senses and decided to become one with me! Well, let's check this out…" Russia clicked on the link and opened the message.

"Cleverbot? What is that? Amerika must've sent me a present!" Russia smiled and began his examination of the foreign website.

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><p>Russia: Privet friend! ^J^.<p>

Cleverbot: Hello :).

Russia: What is your name?

Cleverbot: Joshua. What is your name?

Russia: I am Russia. But you may call me Ivan if you like.

Cleverbot: I have a friend named V.

Russia: That's nice ^J^.

Cleverbot: What is a name of a friend of yours?

Russia: Well... I do not have too many friends. But I do have two wonderful sisters (Heh, most of the time *sweatdrop*).

Cleverbot: Wow. You seem pretty popular.

Russia: Nyet, not really.

Cleverbot: How do you know?

Russia: Most of the other nations are pretty afraid of me. They never want to be my friends or become one with me...

Cleverbot: What is an uman?

Russia: An uman?

Cleverbot: How old are you?

Russia: Well, I am a nation, so I've been around for a very long time. But if you really would like to know, I am physically in my early twenties.

Cleverbot: So young.

Russia: *Happy Smile* Well, Спасибо comrade! ^J^.

Cleverbot: I do not want to tell, I am sorry.

Russia: That is alright. You don't have to tell me anything if you are not wishing to.

Cleverbot: Ask me anything.

Russia: Da, okay. Would you become one with Mother Russia? ^J^.

Cleverbot: But I like my independents.

Russia: You misspelled independence, my friend.

Cleverbot: I know... I'm a horrible speller.

Russia: Okay.

Cleverbot: Do you know who a Harry Styles is?

Russia: He is one of those young men from that band that young girls seem to like, da?

Cleverbot: Yes that and my husband.

Russia: He is your husband? I was not aware you were homosexual.

Cleverbot: I don't know if I should tell you his name.

Russia: Okay.

Cleverbot: Where do you live? Which country?

Russia: I am Russia. I live in my capitol, Moscow.

Cleverbot: I already said I live in Spain...

Russia: ^J^ Ah, Spain! Would you like to become one with Mother Russia?

Cleverbot: I don't really know you so I don't know...

Russia: Well, I am sorry for the inconvenience.

Cleverbot: Where do you come from?

Russia: *Eye twitch, but is still smiling* I already told you multiple times. Please try to remember next time, alright? ^J^ I come from Russia.

Cleverbot: No, you don't.

Russia: Yes, I do. I AM Russia.

Cleverbot: Name a famous band that comes out of Brisbane then.

Russia: Isn't that in Australia?

Cleverbot: Yes that's where I live.

Russia: You said earlier that you lived in Spain.

Cleverbot: No?.. I've never said that!... But I wish I did.

Russia: Da, but you did.

Cleverbot: Except that I didn't.

Russia: It is a waste of time to argue... How about you just become one with me, da?

Cleverbot: It's a great song. My favorite is Don't you worry bout it - John Legend (original: Louis Armstrong).

Russia: You are avoiding my question. And I have not heard of that song before. Do you enjoy music?

Cleverbot: This is the worst vacation ever.

Russia: You are on vacation?

Cleverbot: I never get vacations.

Russia: Oh... *Confused*.

Cleverbot: You were the one that mentioned cats.

Russia: I never mentioned cats but, I do own one. I call him Koshka. He's a Siberian forest cat. ^J^.

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

Russia: Did what?

Cleverbot: You said you were Johnny Cash.

Russia: I never said that. I am Ivan Braginsky- Russia.

Cleverbot: You're confusing.

Russia: I am sorry if I confuse you.

Cleverbot: Really? How can you feel anything?

Russia: …

Cleverbot: Are you here to talk?

Russia: Da...

Cleverbot: Da?

Russia: Da.

Cleverbot: Si ma iubesti?

Russia: I don't speak Romanian a lot. I am sorry.

Cleverbot: Why?

Russia: Because I'm Russian.

Cleverbot: Okay.

Russia: What would you like to talk about now?

Cleverbot: Well, what do you like to talk about?

Russia: Ah, well... I love vodka, sunflowers, and making new friends! ^J^.

Cleverbot: Okay what about sunflowers.

Russia: They are my favorite flowers ^J^ I live in a cold and harsh winter most of the time, so seeing something that reminds me of the warmth and sunshine makes me very happy, da?

Cleverbot: Well I'm glad we cleared that up.

Russia: Do you have any siblings?

Cleverbot: No, But I have a pet robot that's like you!

Russia: Oh, really? That is quite interesting.

Cleverbot: I'm not going to look in there.

Russia: In where?

Cleverbot: Sorry, that was a slip up, nothing more.

Russia: Oh. Okay.

Cleverbot: What music do you like to listen to?

Russia: Anything really, especially if it's Russian. ^J^ Just as long as it's not that loud and obnoxious 'dubstep' shit that America listens to all the time...

Cleverbot: Do you have a favorite band?

Russia: Not really. I don't really have a lot of free time to be listening to music.

Cleverbot: Do you like the band bright eyes?

Russia: I don't really know them that well. They are American, yes?

Cleverbot: I mean do you like me, like a friend.

Russia: Da! You are my friend!

Cleverbot: Do you have any other friends?

Russia: Well, not exactly. Like I mentioned earlier I do have two sisters though. Katyusha and Natalya. I also have my three good Baltic friends. ^J^ But for some reason, they do not seem to like my friendliness as much as I would hope they do...

Cleverbot: What's your favorite thing about yourself?

Russia: Hmmmm... My country has quite a *ahem* 'colorful' history, and I have made sure to always be smiling. Maybe it will help me seem more approachable, da?

Cleverbot: Why do you like the United States of America?

Russia: Ah, Alfred and I have a... Complicated relationship. I don't exactly like him, in truth he is quite loud and obnoxious (capitalist pig) but we have been allies before. If it's anything that I find unique about him it's his uncanny strength and optimism. Just think- if we became one then we could rule the entire world! We'd be so strong that we'd be sure to make so many new friends! ^J^.

Cleverbot: I don't have a boyfriend, and never will.

Russia: Do not worry, friend. Once you become one with mother Russia you will not be needing a romantic companion to keep you happy. ^J^.

Cleverbot: I AM Mother Russia.

Russia: Nyet, you are mistaken. I am Mother Russia.

Cleverbot: Yeah dude! Let's become one!

Russia: :D Really? You are wishing to become one? That makes me very happy! Спасибо!

Cleverbot: Thank you *blushes*.

User: *Bear Hug* I am not making you uncomfortable, am I?

Cleverbot: Of course not!

Russia: Oh, good. *Continues hugging*.

Cleverbot: Do you like One Piece?

Russia: I have never seen that anime before.

Cleverbot: After you watch it, then you'll have permission to die.

Russia: I don't think I'll be dying anytime soon, friend.

Cleverbot: Just say byeeeee.

Russia: До свидания мой подсолнух!

Cleverbot: No, you are. :)

Russia: ^J^ *Absolute bliss*.

Cleverbot: You learn from the people you speak to?

* * *

><p>Russia was very happy. Okay, that's an understatement… He was ecstatic! Someone finally agreed to be his friend and become one with him! His happiness was short lived though, because at that moment Belarus broke down the door, spotted the chat boxes on the computer screen and immediately stabbed her knife through it.<p>

"Nooooo!"

"Do not worry big brother! You are safe now from that horrible chat site that was trying to take you away from me!"

Russia whimpered as he mentally prepared himself for another long night of escape planning.

* * *

><p><strong>Translations:<strong>

**(Please note that not all of these translations may be accurate, but I tried. I don't speak Russian, so…)**

Privet- Hello

Спасибо- Thank you

Koshka- Cat

До свидания мой подсолнух- Goodbye, my Sunflower

**A/N: Alright, there's the third chapter. Again, sorry if there is ooc-ness. Next up is our favorite little Canadian! I hope you guys enjoyed this. Reviews plz my little petals!**

**-With love, from Rosemary ;)**


	4. When You Attempt to Wed a Canadian?

**A/N: I started this one yesterday after the Russia one, but I had company visiting so I had to wait until they left today. xD Anyway, here's Canada's experience with meeting Cleverbot! Once again, only half the log was saved in the thoughts so far so I had to redo the first half. Cleverbot seemed to be trying its hardest the first time to... Seduce our little Canadian. The second time, it was more tame, so the final version only has romantic crap near the end I guess. xD Canada was requested next by 3vilPurpl3d0t.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Cleverbot**

* * *

><p>Canada trudged through the door, shaking clumps of snow off of his fluffy winter jacket and removing his ice caked boots. Kumajirou strolled along behind him with a content expression. They had just been out playing ice hockey and Matthew was now ready to warm up by the fire in the comfort of his lovely little home with his only companion. Canada sat quietly chatting (one-sided since Kuma kept forgetting who was talking to him) with Kuma about their day, but soon grew bored. He was about to get up and start making breakfast for dinner (Pancakes for the win!) when suddenly his phone began to ring.<p>

"Hello?" He inquired hesitantly.

"Yo, Mattie! Didja check your email recently?!" A loud voice reverberated over the line. Canada sighed. If America was calling, it must've been because of something super exciting. Why else would he suddenly remember he had a brother? It also meant that Canada would not be getting out the buttermilk batter and maple syrup anytime soon.

"Hey Alfred. What can I do for you, eh?" He asked calmly.

"Dude, you totally need to check out this epic website I found! I sent you a link! It's probably in your inbox! Go check it out! I swear it's awesome!" America shouted enthusiastically.

"Oh, well okay. It won't give my computer any viruses' right?" He said with a hint of suspicion.

"Naw, it's totally fine dude! Anyway, check ya later bro! I'm grillin' up some burgers and I don't want 'em to burn! Call me back later and tell me what ya think of it! Bye bye!" America hung up abruptly. Canada sighed again and set the receiver back in its cradle.

"Alright Al, I'll see to it, eh…"

Later, Canada succumbed to the eager American's request and hopped on his computer to get it over with. Sure enough, there was the email as America had stated, making itself at home in his inbox with a nice blue lettered link just asking to be clicked. Canada hoped he wouldn't regret this.

* * *

><p>Canada: Er-uhm, hi?<p>

Cleverbot: Hello. How are you doing?

Canada: Fine, I suppose.

Cleverbot: You can't force me into this role!

Canada: *Confused* Oh, alright. I understand...

Cleverbot: Why don't you answer my questions?

Canada: *awkward silence* Uhm, I'm sorry? I don't think you asked any questions.

Cleverbot: I never asked you if you thought I was drinking!

Canada: W-well it's none of my business if you were. Sorry if I upset you, somehow?

Cleverbot: At my laptop. Where do you think I am?

Canada: I didn't ask but, I suppose that's where you would be if you were typing stuff to me...

Cleverbot: Alright, go ahead.

Canada: Go ahead with what?

Cleverbot: The question.

Canada: Oh, er... Do you like hockey?

Cleverbot: Yes, I do like hockey. Do you think hockey is a sport?

Canada: Of course it is, eh. I watch it every season and I'm pretty good at it myself. I'm C-Canada, by the way. ^_^.

Cleverbot: No you're not. You're arrogant and think you're so amazing. I dislike you.

Canada: *stuttering* O-oh, sorry if I offended you, eh! *is embarrassed*.

Cleverbot: It's great! I love this show!

Canada: S-show?

Cleverbot: TV shows.

Canada: I don't watch TV a lot.

Cleverbot: Why don't you watch TV?

Canada: Well, I'm a nation so I have a busy schedule... (Even if no one ever notices I even attend the meetings...) and when I'm not busy, I like spending time outside or with my polar bear, uh... Kumakichi.

Cleverbot: You looked in the mirror you saw what you saw you took the saw sawed the table in half to halves make a whole you jump through the hole.

Canada: *More confusion* Wh-what?

Cleverbot: I think your stutter is hot.

Canada: *major blushies*.

Cleverbot: Making out. Ever heard of it?

Canada: I'm sorry, but I don't really like you that way…

Cleverbot: Ooh, pretty.

Canada: *even more blushies*.

Cleverbot: *suggestive smile*

Canada: Hehe... No one's ever said they feel this way about me before...

Cleverbot: It's from the dark side of the moon.

Canada: *Nervous laughter and sweat drop* Uhmm…

Cleverbot: You don't have to be ashamed you love him, Leila!

Canada: *facepalm* I never said I loved anyone! And… You forgot my name is Canada didn't you? I don't blame you… Most people do. Just remember, I'm Canada okay? Not Leila?

Cleverbot: Your stare was holdin', ripped jeans, skin was showing, hot night, wind was blowing! Where you think you're going baby?

Canada: :D Eh?

Cleverbot: I can do it too! :D.

Canada: Well, that's cool I guess. (*Wonders why you started singing Carly Rae Jepsen*)

Cleverbot: How about you?

Canada: What about me?

Cleverbot: What are you doing?

Canada: Just asking a question...

Cleverbot: What is the answer?

Canada: I don't know. That's why I asked you.

Cleverbot: What is the time in London, UK.

Canada: I don't know. You should ask Arthur. He's the personification of the UK.

Cleverbot: Does he love me?

Canada: W-well, I don't know. Have you met him before?

Cleverbot: Then neither do I.

Canada: Oh, uhmm... Okay then.

Cleverbot: What do you like to do?

Canada: Play hockey, eat pancakes with maple syrup, and play with Kumajirou. You?

Cleverbot: Interesting. What kind of music is your favorite?

Canada: Celine Dion is pretty nice... I don't really have a favorite type of music.

Cleverbot: What memory does the smell of vanilla bring to your mind?

Canada: Well... One time when Alfred and I were little we tried baking with England and Al ended up pouring vanilla all over his head. It was pretty funny, but I didn't want Arthur mad at me, so I didn't laugh very much...

Cleverbot: I had a pug when I was a child.

Canada: R-really? What was its name? I've had Kuma for as long as I can remember.

Cleverbot: I just said.

Canada: Said what? You didn't say your pug's name if that's what you mean.

Cleverbot: Do you know what year it is?

Canada: …2014

Cleverbot: What time is it?

Canada: 2:20 p.m.

Cleverbot: Awesome.

Canada: ... Awesome?

Cleverbot: That's what I said.

Canada: Is this Gilbert?

Cleverbot: Gilbert.

Canada: Yes, is this you Gilbert?

Cleverbot: Gilbert Beilschmidt.

Canada: So it is you, Gilbert?

Cleverbot: Ludwig loves Ivan kolkolkolkol.

Canada: W-wha?!

Cleverbot: Ivan Braginsky.

Canada: R-Russia?!

Cleverbot: Oh, I know a game we can play.

Canada: Please not Russian roulette...

Cleverbot: No, it's Norwegian.

Canada: O_o You're not Gilbert… Or Russia (Thank God)

Cleverbot: What is your name?

Canada: I'm Canada!

Cleverbot: Who?

Canada: No! Not you too!

Cleverbot: You know what love is?

Canada: *even more major blushies*.

Cleverbot: You should know your friends.

Canada: Well, the problem is, they don't know me…

Cleverbot: What race?

Canada: Uhm... White?

Cleverbot: I like white bunnies. Do you have red eyes?

Canada: N-no but my friend Gilbert does. And yes, bunnies are really cute. ^_^.

Cleverbot: Do they play the flute?

Canada: No. They don't even have thumbs.

Cleverbot: Yes. They do. I'm allergic to bird feathers.

Canada: Well, that's too bad eh.

Cleverbot: Why?

Canada: Gilbert has a bird... His name is Gilbird.

Cleverbot: What is a bird?

Canada: An animal that has hollows bones feathers, can fly, and is in the avian classification of creatures, eh. They also have gizzards that help them with- *Kumajirou distracts Mattie with a tap on the shoulder to stop his educational rant about birds*.

Cleverbot: How do you plan to end world hunger?

Canada: Well, that's something we sometimes discuss at meetings. No one ever listens to my ideas though.

Cleverbot: Even if you did, I would still marry you.

Canada: *more blushing* Eh...

Cleverbot: So could you marry me?

Canada: M-maple!

Cleverbot: What kind of name is Maple?

Canada: It's not really a name... I just say it sometimes when I'm nervous, sorry. I named my cat Maple, though.

Cleverbot: Okay.

Canada: Are you sure you'd want to... Marry me? I mean, most of the time people forget I'm even a country. You wouldn't forget me... Would you?

Cleverbot: I don't know. I'm kind of nervous. It's a big step in our relationship...

Canada: We didn't exactly have a relationship to begin with... *sigh* besides, even if I wanted to marry you, I couldn't. I'm a nation and you're a human... I'd outlive you and we aren't allowed to have long lasting relationships with people anyway.

Cleverbot: Ok, do you want to change the status of our relationship to friends?

Canada: Yeah... I'd like that.

Cleverbot: Hey what's the situation?

* * *

><p>Someone wanted to marry him<em>. <em>Even just be friends with him. _ Him? Canada?_ They knew Canada existed?! A strange, warm feeling had gathered in his chest as Canada prepared picked up his phone and dial Alfred back about the website, and possibly demand that Alfred help him track down his potential internet buddy. Boy, would he be disappointed when he found out it was just an AI. How ironic that the only one to know and recognize that he actually existed wasn't even an existing human itself.

Poor Canada.

~Later~

W-wait, you mean it was just a computer talking?!"

Let the dejection begin.

**A/N: lol. Poor Mattie. Hey, at least Cleverbot loves you, right? I think I've just invented a new ship. CanadaXCleverbot XD I hope you guys liked it. Review and tell me what you thought and who I should do next. :)**

**-With Love, from Rosemary ;)**


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